Bullshitters Notanonymous - Bush League

CRAWFORD -- The title of this blog, I Am Jack's Broken Bat, is inspired by the narrator's voiceovers during the bad ass existential film, Fight Club. During the onset of the film, the protagonist frequently attends self help groups for diseases and problems he does not have. Seeing others in misery helps him become at peace with his own hatred of self. So the powers that be have elected to start a self help group for people who really do need it.

The group - Jack's Bullshitters Notanonymous. Except, well, you're not anonymous, as the first step to becoming a non-bullshitter is for everyone to know you're a bullshitter. Confused? Well the fact is, a bullshitter does not want help. So publicly showing he is a bullshitter may provide some ample motivation to cut the bullshit. As George Carlin put it, most people are either stupid, insane, or a bullshitter. In baseball, the stupid people would be the general managers who trade Scott Kazmir for Victor Zambrano. Or the guys who hire Dusty Baker to manage a young pitching staff. The insane are the owners who would willingly pay Ryan Dempster fifty million dollars. And the bullshitters? The majority of bullshitters are those agents who bullshit their player from mediocre pitcher to multi-millionaire ace.

But there are other bullshitters on the planet from every arena. We have decided to not give the first BA member title to just anyone. No. The first bullshitter must be the ultimate bullshitter. A bullshitter of epic proportions. While this blog is largely revolved around subjective baseball journalism, we intend to delve into all facets of life. After all, baseball is simply a metaphor to life and the American dream.

... Drum role ...

The first member of Bullshitter's Notanonymous is...

George W. Bush

I would go into detail about why the Governor should be recognized with this honor, but would it not be trivial and obvious? Stay tuned for future bullshitters to be announced soon.

Wren and Towers Call It Quits

ATLANTA -- Two general managers in baseball are giving one another the silent treatment. Padres' Kevin Towers and the Braves' Frank Wren are no longer discussing a deal which could bring 2007 National League Cy Young award winner Jake Peavy to Atlanta for shortstop Yunel Escobar and prospects.

In a phone interview from his weekend cabin in the Appalachian Mountains, which Frank calls 'The Wren's Nest', the Braves GM said "We've had a communication breakdown. I mean we've been talking for a month now, and I just want Kevin to commit and he won't do it." Wren emotionally added "I've offered him a future no one else can give him, and he just says he wants more, more, more! I send him texts all day long and he just replies with one word replies, so I'm done!"

Towers refused phone calls from JBB offices, but sent an e-mail statement which read "Frank and I had a good thing going while it lasted. However, I have to move in another direction. Right now Jim [Hendry] is promising me stability and upside Frank cannot ensure. While I wish Frank all the best, I have to ---- what I can ---- while I can ---- it."

Wren, distraught, is moving on. Reportedly in the mix to sign free agent pitchers A.J. Burnett and Derek Lowe, the GM will have to win an aggressive bidding war between several other teams offering a king's ransom for the pitchers. While Wren also made a push for the most coveted free agent on the market, C.C. Sabathia, it looks to be all for not. In an effort to reclaim their annual payroll championship, the Yankees have offered C.C. over thirty million dollars more than any other club. Hank Steinbrenner, the team's co-chairman, said "We feel really excited about bringing another payroll title to the Bronx. We're really setting up a dynasty at this point. I mean, we may very well eclipse a quarter billion dollar payroll this year! It's not how you spend your money in baseball, but how much you spend that equals success. Just look at the Devil Rays, it's no wonder the Phillies, of all teams, beat them!"

Ultimately, Frank Wren may have to resort to overpaying for Derek Lowe who would be approaching 40 at the end of his next contract. Frank said of Lowe "He may not be an ace for us, but I have no doubt he's a king." Meanwhile, Frank's queen Kevin Towers may have to re-think his stubbornness for commitment with the Cubs re-signing Ryan Dumpster to a lucrative 52 million dollar elbow insurance policy. So the question remains: Will Frank and Kev call it quits, or become partners once again?

About Us

I Am Jack's Broken Bat is a blog involving two guys, real-life investigative journalism, a semi-coherent knowledge of the English language, a love for sports, and two small basements, both located in their mother's homes. In 2008 R. Fukuoka Henderson and J. Martin Machiavelli got pissed off because Frank Wren wanted to sign Ryan Dempster but were later relieved when he failed in doing so. Later on, in a debate over who they would have taken in round 17 of the 2002 MLB draft, the two began to chuckle when they recalled that in that draft the Mets selected Scott Kazmir. Kazmir was later traded for Victor Zambrano, a real life version of a Sony Walkman. In a morbid need to express the ridiculousness of the powers that be in the multi-billion dollar American institution of Major League Baseball, we have founded JBB. We will try to enlighten and entertain. We will probably fail.